You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
