ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
