I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
