I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
