So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
