some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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