Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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