So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
