After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
