So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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