dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
