just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
