I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Someone came in the potted fern
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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