Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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