apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize