So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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