i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
