Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's Friday. Sex?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
