Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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