I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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