I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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