Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
