her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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