Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
