I am spending my child support on dildos
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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