quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he thought i was a dude.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
