i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize