Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
