whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
