Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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