dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
