me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
