Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
