I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
