You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
