Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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