Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
