Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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