So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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