hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
