Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
