Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
