Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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