Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
