Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have post one night stand depression
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
