he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
