who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
