these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
