went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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