I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
