She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
