sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
