I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I believe in your delicious
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
