Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
