As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
