just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
