i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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