***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
