I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
