i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
