What a fucking waste of an outfit
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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