In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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