using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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