So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
