Can Purell be used as lube?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
