she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
