i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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