therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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