I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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