Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
