I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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