Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
