remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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