It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Houston, we have a squirter
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
