Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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