Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
