Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
