I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
