Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
