saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
