i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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