She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
