dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
