One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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