WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
