This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sarcasm needs its own font
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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