I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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