And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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