its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You can't just leave with hair like that
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
