We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I know her cup size but not her name....
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