She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
