well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
