I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
