Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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