the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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